Do you need to break up with your phone?

For two weeks, I used a flip phone.

It was an unexpected and unplanned self-experiment that led to some quality observations.

Conclusion: I am more dependent on a screen than I realized. Borderline addicted.

How we got here: I broke my phone a few months ago, and had been nursing it along. At the end of January, the screen went blank almost entirely. The phone was unusable without hundreds of dollars in repairs. After looking at options, our most fiscally responsible long-term solution resulted in a new phone but I would have to patiently wait for a couple of weeks.

So there I was, LG Flip Phone with the T9 texting and blurry images in my pocket.

Over the last two weeks I have made some observations about myself and our society. It has informed some things, leading to some new personal boundaries with a cell phone and with screens in general. And I will still be evaluating and tinkering with those boundaries to find what is healthy for me and for my family.

Ironically, upon getting my new phone I listened to a new podcast episode from one of my favorite shows that discussed this idea in depth. I will include a link at the end of this blog because it is worth a listen for anyone who feels like their phone is almost another appendage on their body.

Observation 1: I reached for it. A lot.

I do not necessarily consider myself to be super fidgety, but I found myself reaching for my phone a lot. The flip phone has almost ZERO entertainment value. It is purely a tool for communication, somewhat ineffective and inefficient at times. The only entertainment received was from the fidgety flipping of the phone I would do. I think my brain is so flooded with dopamine from the device that I found my self looking for it from that thing. But the flip phone offered none.

Observation 2: I was less protective of the phone itself.

I find myself constantly aware of where my smart phone is, constantly trying to avoid breaking it, constantly preventing my kids from grabbing it. Beyond the dopamine of the screens, it is a mental toll that I did not realize prior to the “dumb phone” experiment. The smart phone is an expensive computer with psychological draws; the flip phone is a tool for communication. They have completely different burdens on my mental capacity.

Observation 3: Other people were more bothered than I was.

Honestly, it was an inconvenience for the lifestyle of others. Group messages did not work; RCS messages failed; pictures were blurry or failed. But my life was simple and less inundated with content and information. My brain felt refreshed in some ways, like a set of bedsheets right out of the washing machine.

Observation 4: It was not the end of the world.

I know, a bit dramatic. But I just am giving myself permission to not take my phone with me everywhere with this one.

Key Takeaways

To be honest, carrying the flip phone felt like a vibe that worked for me. Could be the move.

Beyond just the vibe, one of the things I enjoyed was being untethered in some ways. I had 9 or 10 contacts in the device, and it was a new number that no one had. My accessibility to the world decreased drastically, and it was almost like a breath of fresh air. The people who needed me called me, or texted my wife about my accessibility, or emailed me which I could access on the computer.

And I think that is also one of the big cultural takeaways: we have made ourselves almost completely accessible to the world, regardless of availability or sensibility, and this is an objectively unhealthy, borderline toxic, rhythm to live by.

The world should not have unfettered access to me. For most of human history that has been the case. For the sake of convenience, the last two decades have made accessibility the norm and at some level the cultural expectation.

Perhaps, this was a mistake.

Another take away was the observation of immediate entertainment. One of my 7th graders asked me, “how do you watch videos on that thing?” Spoiler: you don’t! Our culture has put entertainment in the pockets of millions of people, and I think this can have catastrophic effects on many of those millions. We have eliminated boredom, diminished the need for imagination, but unfortunately we have created a drug that we are bored without.

I am guilty of it. So some things need to change.

Working on some new boundaries

I have a few boundaries with tech that I generally hold for myself and my family. But here are a few that I will be trying out over the next few weeks.

1. My phone does not go to my bedroom unless I am on an actual phone call. This is an easier one for me to put in place. I have an analog alarm clock and have been avoiding the phone at my bedside for some time. This is just a more firm approach to that idea.

2. My phone does not go into the bathroom. I do not need it in there, so why do I take it? I end up scrolling for no reason. To be honest, scrolling is a mental checkout and going in the bathroom is almost giving myself permission. It is unneccessary, and my wife will be glad to see this. But this will be a shift for me based on my current habits.

3. My phone has a designated location at home. This makes it so I do not have to worry about the location if I am not actively using it. I do not need to carry it in my pocket throughout the home. This is another one that I just need to have a more firm approach to, but generally fits how I handle my phone. The idea is to treat it almost like a landline: tether it to the desk so it is not tethered to me.

The Point

If I want to be healthier, I need to make some adjustments. And I think that is what the premise of Dr. John Delony and Carlos Whitaker discuss in this recent episode. The phone is a device, a tool, that we can use to make our lives more efficient, more effective, smoother in some ways. The rules are useless for the sake of themselves, but for the sake of a healthier life the rules are some quality guidelines and boundaries. I am acknowledging that my heart is weak; my mind has been tricked by those designing these devices. Kudos to those who designed this thing to entrap me; they got me, so I need to make some adjustments now.

More rules for your life is not the point. A healthier approach to life is the point.

Whitaker mentions in there this idea: when you enter a bakery, the smell of the fresh croissants hits you with a smack of pure joy. But after a few minutes, the smell wears off. The only way to smell it so fresh again is to go outside and smell the normal air, before stepping back in and smelling it fresh again. The value wears off with comfort, so step outside and take a breath. And this gives you a healthier perspective, a more grateful approach to that thing.

That is what the flip phone did for me. I caught a breath of fresh air from my personal device. I realized I need to make some adjustments with my relationship with that thing, or similar to Propaganda in one of his songs from 2012, I am breaking up with my iWife.

Do you need to break up with yours?